The end of an era

Yesterday marked the end of an era, the beginning of the end. Wondering what I’m on about? Robin had her first bottle of formula.

I might have decided it’s time to start weaning her off the breast, but I’ve done so with a heavy heart. There are two reasons I decided now might be the right time to move on.

The first is that my body needs to look a little less lopsided within the next month or so. Let me explain. As many of you already know, because you’ve been there, not all boobs are created equal. There’s always one that’s a little more happy to oblige than the other. One of them will always be favoured by your baby and it’s usually the one that produces more milk and is therefore easier to feed from. In my case, the more productive boob is still producing enough milk for Robin to feed at least four times a day. The other one? It stopped producing milk about two months ago. So what happened, in case you are still wondering, is that I’ve got one very sad-looking, deflated booby and one very full one. Not a good look, I’m telling you.

For now, I can still disguise my ridiculous bosom with scarves and cardigans but it’s already getting too hot for more than one layer of clothing, so I’m freaking out a little. There’s no way I could step out of the house in our summer’s heat wearing a t-shirt, let alone go to the beach. I (seriously) look like I had a mastectomy. With all due respect to those who actually have had one, I would rather be deflated on both sides while I still have both breasts.

The other reason I decided that now would be a good time (for Robin, not for me) is that there’s the possibility I might be going away for a weekend next month. I need to do this for myself, both professionally and personally. Now, if I decide to go for it, Robin will need to be formula-fed, even though she’ll be just two weeks shy of her first birthday by then. I still haven’t booked my tickets or made any arrangements because the thought of leaving without my kids is too much to handle right now, but I’m seriously considering it. You’ll surely know what I’ll decide when the time comes.

So back to the first bottle. It took me three days to bring myself to open the tin, half an hour to read the instructions and prepare the bottle and another twenty minutes to let it cool down and prepare myself psychologically for Robin’s reaction. And it only took Robin a few minutes to guzzle the whole bottle and cry for more, sucking on the teat even after the last drop had be vapourised and there was only air left inside the bottle! I sobbed while I watched her, half relieved and half offended that she liked it.

An hour later, she had another feed from my breasts breast and everything felt normal again.

And the tin is open...

She couldn't wait to taste what was inside.

I couldn't believe she was drinking it and looking me straight in the eye. The cheek!

To add insult to injury, she wouldn't let go of the bottle, carrying it around with her, flapping her arms and legs excitedly.

Lights and Letters

If you’ve known me or this blog longer than a day, you’ll know that I promote breastfeeding every chance I get.

So when I saw this post on Lights and Letters the other day, I knew I had to link to it. I love the pictures but especially Jill’s words about breastfeeding. I had the same kind of problems with Maia and then it all made more sense with Robin. On days like yesterday, I feel grateful for the fact Robin is still nursing. She didn’t eat a bite of anything all day but my mind was more at rest knowing she was having my milk at least.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I love Jill’s naturally red hair. That might have drawn me to her even more.

Photo by Leslie Fandrich (Lights and Letters)

Embrace the camera 12th January 2012

This was taken this afternoon when we went for a coffee after picking Maia from school. Little Robin wanted to join in the fun.

I am hoping to continue nursing her for the next 5 months, trying to avoid formula. I don’t know if my body will continue to supply her with enough milk but so far so good. I am torn between needing some time for myself (even though she no longer drinks every 2 hours) and wanting to hang onto this time forever. Whatever happens, I am making the most of these special moments together while they last.