Aaahh, this is better…I got our home dvd player to the shop and I’ve put Friends on. I feel the need to go through the whole series every 3 or 4 months. I don’t actually watch it here, I just hear it while working which does wonders to my mood (I manage to smile at the most insufferable of customers thanks to Chandler’s lines).
Talking about friends, this morning I saw an old school friend walking past the shop. She was fully made up, wearing heels and a fur coat. She looked a little out of place but definitely very very polished and grown-up. The said friend is a lawyer and politician these days. When we were at school we used to be among the first 4 in class (yes, I was a total nerd and still am at heart) and everyone used to say we were very promising and that we would do great things. The greatest ‘thing’ I’ve done to date was to have my daughter. She’s the single most spectacular achievement of my life. The second was to marry the most amazing man, a guy I had a crush on for over two years before I actually spoke to him. Otherwise, my potential for great things seems to have vanished in thin air.
And that brings me to the second resolution I made this year…to tap into that potential again (if I manage to locate it, that is). Seeing my old friend looking so put together and then catching a reflection of myself in jeans, t-shirt and flat shoes made me feel inadequate and a sense of urgency overcame me…for about 3 seconds. I don’t want to be a lawyer OR a politician and I most definitely do NOT want to wear fur!! What I do want is to move on from selling newspapers. That’s not all I do here, but I definitely could do more than what I am doing. Which brings me to another point…what do I want to do??? I’ve wanted to do (almost) every job there is at some point in my life and up to 5 years ago I felt I could do whatever I wanted to do. I felt invincible. What happened 5 years ago is a long story but it basically meant moving back to the tiny island I grew up on and losing all self-confidence and ambition.
Ok, now I’m off for some last minute ‘research’ on shades of red for my hair…I’ll probably chicken out of the whole redhead thing in the end! Will tell you later…