I feel I have to justify myself for not keeping up the food diary idea…I told you it might not last long! The thing is that up till Sunday I was devouring everything in sight so it was impossible to keep it up (ok ok, I was embarrassed to admit how much I was eating). I blame it on the hormones. My plan was to start eating more healthy, which is another of my new year’s resolutions so what I am going to try and do is to eat low GI as far as I can and avoid refined carbohydrates and sugars (with the exception of Godwin’s hot chocolate, which I am committing myself to have only every other day).
Food apart, yesterday was my day off (I get a day off a week, on average) and the afternoon was spent with Munchkin. We had some girly time, discussing rings and bracelets (she lent me one of her rings…a yellow cat…and I lent some of my bracelets), window shopping and visiting the newly-refurbished McDonalds (she kept calling the new decor “terrific”). I feel terribly guilty every time we go to McDonalds. I am very aware of the unhealthy nature of their food (in my university days I developed an intolerance to some of their ingredients and suffered from IBS for years thanks to my weekly visits to dear old McD) and yet every now and then I succumb to the lure of an easy way out of dinner cooking. I am not proud of myself and although most of the time Munchkin only has a fruit bag or a yogurt, there are times like yesterday when she has a Happy Meal. And the occasional visit to the fast food restaurant isn’t the only thing I feel guilty about. Since becoming a parent, I’ve had my conscience riddled with guilt feelings for things I had never given a second thought to. Am I working too many hours? Am I using too many chemical-laden products around the house? Are her clothes harming her health because they’re not organic? Am I doing too little to protect the environment? The list goes on and on and every day there seems to be a new reason to feel inadequate as a mother.
Come bedtime, though, I realise that maybe I’m not doing everything wrong when she whispers in the darkness at the end of her prayers, “Jesus, thank you for my lovely mama and papa”.