Letter of apology

Dear Maia,

I am writing this while you sleep. It took you almost an hour to fall asleep and the whole while I kept snapping at you to nod off because I had work to do and needed to leave your room. I hate it that I have to sit on your bed until you’re fast asleep.

One day I’ll miss this.

You chat non-stop, from morning till night and sometimes you even wake up at night and need to tell me something. The constant chatter drains me. It distracts me when I’m trying to concentrate on something else and it can get tiring after the first two hours.

One day I’ll miss this.

You’ve always had a lot of attention from us, especially from me. Since your sister was born, your need for attention has increased considerably. I can’t be with you all the time, looking at you all the time and listening to you all the time. I so so wish I could. You’ll never know just how much I do.

One day I’ll miss this too.

Today I took a decision. I’ve been taking this decision everyday for these past few months. I haven’t managed to stick to it yet but I’ll try again today and I’ll keep trying until I won’t need to take the decision any longer. I will stop shouting at you. I will be more patient. I will spend more time with you, looking at you, talking to you, listening to you and holding you. I love you as much as I did the first time I saw you over six years ago. I love you even more. Some nights I cry myself to sleep because I cannot contain the love I feel for you. I am so sorry for being less than cheerful lately. I’m sorry for snapping at you every few minutes. I’m sorry.

I love you koukla, today and forever.

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6 Comments

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  1. This brought a tear to my eye. You’re such an amazing mummy. You can’t get it right all the time and there’s a new little one to take care of now. One day M will understand but until then, it’s great that you know what needs the worked on. Remember that you can’t always get it right though…. Huge hugs xxxx

  2. Although I’m not a mother yet and all I can do is try to understand- I think that I do somewhat. Being a mother is the toughest “job”, 24/7 365 days a year. I think this post is very sweet and honest. One day you may miss all these things and then one day she will stumble upon her mothers blog and understand 😉

  3. My heart goes out to you….Oh how I understand you…but you also made me think of how often I behave just like you as I juggle to give the girls attention as well as multitask my way through the days that seem to fly! Take care Maur… we will never get it all right…however hard we try … we’re not super beings…just normal ones that maybe reflect a little more.

    • Thank you so much girls! Your words give me strength. Today was a much better day. I have to keep reminding myself to keep calm and that all the chaos and struggling to keep up with things is part of raising children. I mustn’t lose sight of how lucky I am to have my family. Thanks again!

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