You know those blogs full of pretty pictures and gushing about perfect little children and perfect little lives? I wish mine was like that but I’m incapable of ignoring reality and pretending all is rosy when it isn’t.
Apart from the two car accidents we recently had, my and Maia’s chest infections, six weeks of waking up to no water supply and being made to feel like I’m a petulant little girl for complaining to the authorities, the nights when I lost one daughter in a crowd and almost lost the other one for good…well, Robin had a fever yesterday and the day before.
Nothing of the above is traumatic in a life-changing way (except for when I thought I wouldn’t see Maia again and when I thought Robin would die in front of my own eyes) and yet, the sum of all the above has been enough to send me off-kilter. The cherry on the cake would have to be this darned heat that won’t leave us alone.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t shed a tear or two these past few days. I feel overwhelmed and am afraid I’ll unravel when I least expect it. It’s a scary thought. So I’ve forced myself to sit down and write the good things I have in my life right now. This is what I’m grateful for today:
- Robin’s temperature hasn’t gone up again since 3am last night. She was playing and laughing all day with her sister.
- I recently got more proofreading jobs which makes me happy in more ways than one. To start with, they force me to use my brain and be someone other than a mother (which is still my most important job to date and will always be). I love throwing myself into a text, the more challenging the better, and ‘straighten it up’. Then there’s the extra cash which is always welcome. I don’t ever talk about this but I do feel terribly guilty that the husband works around the clock to provide for us while I hardly earn any money. I was always very independent that way and I struggle to accept that the job I’m doing is as important as his. So, that extra bit of cash I earn occasionally makes me feel a bit more ‘useful’, if you know what I mean. Also, send any proofreading jobs you might have my way! 😉
- This blog is growing and I couldn’t be more excited about what that means. What started as a space for me to unload my frustrations (remember my shop days?) and worries (baby fever, anyone?) has slowly become more of a commitment, one I gladly take on and hope to see grow even more. For this I thank all of you regular readers who keep reading my rants and egging me on. [ps – as my friend Clare mentioned yesterday with reference to her own blog, comments seem to have almost disappeared of late. Just for the record, I do a happy dance every time I get a new comment, so go ahead and make my day!]
- We have decided to go back to Paris for a holiday in November! The reason we always seem to go in November is that the husband is a bit more flexible work-wise and it’s also the time when the city is decorated for Christmas. It’s magic, I tell you!
- The husband’s photography has really taken off. I always knew this would happen but, being the modest man that he is, he had his doubts. Well, he’s almost at a point where he has to choose between being a sailor or a photographer. I hope that he’ll always be as happy and motivated as when he’s holding a camera in his hands, whatever the future brings him.
- Thanks to suggestions by some of you (most notably my sister), I managed to find a Charlie and Lola backpack that seems to be big enough for Maia’s school books. I ordered it last night and can’t wait for it to arrive. I really hope it’s big enough, for my sanity’s sake!
I am sure there are more things that I should be grateful for but these are the ones that are making my world go round right now. All I have to do now is stick the list to the fridge. And highlight it.