Yesterday was an intense day. I kept Maia home from school after she brought up her dinner the previous night, I’ve been carless for over two weeks so I’m at the mercy of whoever will drive me to places I need to go and there was shopping to be done.
Cue a long morning hauling shopping bags while pushing Robin in her wonky stroller and answering Maia’s thousands of questions. Then came a huge argument with a close family member, some words which should have never been uttered, waiting for over two hours for the husband to pick us up and take us home and a stiff neck that threatened to freeze. By the time the girls were in bed, I was ready to bury myself in mine. Instead, I watched Hitchcock while the husband struggled (in vain) to keep his eyes open. What followed the film was two hours of me lying in bed, staring at the ceiling and making shadow puppets with a small torch. I just couldn’t wind down.
And then my mind started to wander.
I started imagining where I would be today had things happened differently. What if Maia had never been sent to me? I might be living in London, working with an artist management company (my dream job of many years), longing for the children I never had and wondering whether the concept of love was just a fable. What if the husband and I had never met? I could still be a single parent to my lovely daughter, trying to make ends meet while spending every second available with her or doing things for her while dreading the day she’d be old enough to leave our life together.
Then a roaring snore from my love brought me back to earth.
I don’t know where I’d be today or what I’d be doing. What I am sure of is that nothing that could have happened would have made me happier than I am now. I am where I was always supposed to be. Stuck on a tiny island I don’t particularly like, dreaming of writing for a living, raising two sweet girls and being woken up by the snoring of the love of my life.