The perfect mum

Before I even dreamed of having children, when my nephews and nieces were the children I loved most in this world and I thought that my love for them could never be surpassed, I had a very clear idea of the type of mother I would one day be.

I would be that mum who is fun and playful. I would never raise my voice, preferring to talk things out with my would-be children. I’d hear their opinion about things first and then discuss with them which decision would be in everyone’s interest. I would never cut my hair short or put on weight and I’d take care of my appearance the same way I did back then. I would be my children’s best friend and they would respect me but also tell me all their secrets and prefer my company to that of anyone else.

I was delusional.

The moment Maia was born, I knew that my ideas of motherhood were idealised and based on a mental collage which I had cut and pasted from various films and books. Real parenting was a far cry from walks in the park with a cooperative, happy, rosy-cheeked child who hung on to my every word. I quickly learned more about myself than I had in the previous 28 years. It was indeed possible to love more deeply than I had ever loved before. I was insecure but I also tapped into a reserve of strength which I never knew I possessed. I was not good at taking care of myself. Most of all, I learned how impatient I could be. A lot of mums claim that parenthood made them better, calmer persons. In my case, motherhood turned me into a short fuse and becoming a mother of two turned me into a volcano threatening to erupt any moment.

I love my girls with all my being, I really do. My every waking (and sleeping) thought is about them or conditioned by them. Whatever I do, I do for them or because of them. That does not change the fact that I raise my voice far too much, there are days when all I do is hyperventilate and tell them off. I feel like a failure for not being able to show them just how much they mean to me and that my anger or frustration has very little to do with them and I am finally realising why. I won’t go into further detail in this (already too long) post but I will write about it when I have some more time.

Meanwhile, I have these two entertaining me with their antics. Seeing the photos of what they get up to makes me laugh and wonder how I could ever get upset with them…until the next time one of them uses marker on the walls or throws cereals all over the floor.

balcony dance party

dr watson

made up maia

ps – you can see more photos on my Instagram feed if you wish.

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4 Comments

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  1. Loved this post so much Mau…can empathise totally with what you write. The perfect mum doesn´t exist, though, as you so well say is just a byproduct of our culture. Most media feed us with this ideal robotic and perfect mothers that are always smiling and calm, but they hide us those so natural moods and rants that we all have. I´m sure your girls don´t notice as much as you do. We are hard on ourselves while they just see the love and good moments. That´s what I try to learn from them. To always focus on the positiv, to live one day at at time and to just stand up and continue whenever we fall. Lots of love from Madrid, thanks for sharing! xx

    • I agree, media can help us become better parents if we use it well but it can also put a lot of pressure on us, showing us how ‘perfect’ other mums are. Still, it’s so comforting to know all parents everywhere have the same issues. 🙂

  2. P.S. That second shot with the magnifying glass?? Made my day.

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