That poll…

When I’m having a day that’s less than perfect, I tend to waste time. A lot of it.

Yesterday I woke up tired, could barely finish my yoga practice (and it’s only 20 minutes long) and Robin was being a handful and a half. My tummy was a little upset, so I had green tea for breakfast instead of my usual coffee. Big mistake. By 10am I was shaking, desperate for a caffeine fix. My little companion had other plans, however, and insisted on climbing on chairs and tables to belt out songs and generally keep me on my toes. There were crumbs everywhere, toys on every surface, unmade beds, laundry piling up and a sink overflowing with dirty dishes. Instead of rolling up my sleeves and tackling one chore at a time, I sat down and put up a poll on this blog, as you do.

It was like my fingers had taken on a life of their own and just went ahead and wrote that question. Except, maybe I had been thinking about that question all the while. Unless you’re new here, you’ll know that I’ve been debating about having another baby for at least a year now. Most of you are probably so bored of my rants regarding this subject that you voted yes just so you would shut me up. Thank you for voting, by the way. I am no closer to a decision than I was before the poll, but what I appreciated were your comments both here and on Instagram.

It’s interesting to see how different people who are in different places in their lives view something like expanding their family. A lot of you mentioned finances, how tiring having more can be and whether the husband is on the same page as me. The husband and I have been discussing this for a long time now and both of us have concerns. Would we be able to provide for three children until they’re all financially independent? Would our two daughters miss out on a lot of things if there was another child sharing everything with them? Would I be able to cope with another person to take care of? What if the new baby had special needs? There’s so much to consider but all the possible problems and setbacks have still not convinced us that we’re done.

So, really, I might know the answer to my question. Then again, I might follow the advice of 17% of you and wait for menopause to take the decision for me!

singing robin

PS – Poll results at the time of writing this post: yes 75%, no 8%, keep wondering 17%.

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6 Comments

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  1. having an 8 month old son myself i am thinking of when having another baby…i am an only child and i am sure that i want siblings for my son because i don’t want him to be an only child like i was..if it were for me i would have four kids and the dreamer that i am, i believe that they will all grow up as happy kids with us being able to give them the necessary and teaching them to share and appreciate what they have. but then i start thinking about the other practicalities: i will have to stop working for a while till they are old enough to go to nursery (at least a year) for each child. also, where will they sleep? we have enough space but i think four kids will outgrow it fast and my husband (being 1 of 5 kids) strongly believe that kids need some space they can call their own in the house…other arguments such as the need to change the car to a bigger one, no holidays for a long while and so on always come up but then i look at my son and see all the happiness he gave us in these 8 months and i feel that it outwins all other arguments mentioned above…so dear fairy i say…GO FOR IT 🙂 if you haven’t decided on a ‘no’ yet means that deep down you both know that it is a yes 🙂 re special needs, etc…god will not give you more than you can handle and i believe that if he trusts you with one of his very special angels it is surely because you are a special enough to take care of him/her…sometimes ‘normal’ kids give more trouble and concerns than ‘special needs’ kids 😉

  2. Hi!
    It’s funny now that i read JJ; i’va 2 brothers and 1 sister and now that i’m a mother, i just have a daughter and i don’t want to have more children… it’s true that sometimes we feel like our daughter needs another toddler to play with, but she already has a cousin… We’ve chosen to dedicate 100% of our time and possibilities to her, maybe we’re wrong but that’s our choice. But each family makes it as well as possible.

  3. This has actually been on my mind lately. I always thought I wanted 2 but it never felt like the right time. And it still hasn’t and now I’m not getting any younger and Abby is almost 7 and she’s like my best friend. I like the thing we have going on and would be sad for it to change. Also, with work and school, I have so little time with her in the evenings. Not working isn’t an option, I’m the primary breadwinner. There is a certain security to having just one that is good for my peace of mind. So I’m not sure I want a second anymore which is surprising to me.

    But here is what I think – if you have another, it will work out and you won’t be able to imagine your life without #3. Kids are kind of magic that way. 🙂

  4. Hi! Sorry I didnt make it to vote, was mad busy! I wouldnt know what to vote, though. I think there is not a right answer for that if it doesn’t come from you or your husband (or even better, from both of you together). Each family is different. Needs, values, situation…so no one better than you both can tell whether a 3rd feels right or not.

  5. I read this post when I was abroad with very limited internet access, however the issue remained on my mind until I finally found the time to comment.

    Before having my son my attitude towards children was rather neutral. However, once my son was born I became totally baby-mad. I absolutely cannot wait to have more children. Somehow, after my son was born I started thinking about having more than the seemingly standard two children. I was an only child for six years, and do not wish for my son not to have any siblings.

    My fiance and I talk about having three children, but we know it will definitely be a struggle mostly in the financial sense. In my dream world, I wish to have another 2 children close to age to each other. I feel that the biggest financial issue would be schooling. We recently found out that our son didn’t make it into a church school so we’ve taken the decision to continue paying for a private school for him, which definitely affects finances. Part of our reaction actually was that we’ll probably have to stick to just one sibling for him and no more, even though this is all speculation.

    Having read about your dilemma, I’d say go for it! Big families are great 🙂 Your daughters are at good ages to welcome another sibling, and given your dilemma, its probably something you just won’t stop thinking about! 🙂

  6. I should probably amend my vote to a no. The more I think about it, I would have another mostly because being a mom is something i know and enjoy. With our youngest leaving for college this fall, there is a huge whole in my life that I’m not really sure with which to do.

    I’m 41 and most my friends have younger children. It’s an odd place to be. The flip side is that I’ll have my husband to myself (our oldest showed up 9 months after we married). It will be great to just be a couple.

    Together we’ve started tutoring with an inner city organization and have contemplated moving into that neighborhood. There are kids there who live in a single family home and could really use some extra love and attention.

    All that to say, it’s not an easy decision. You’re a great mom and have a fantastic hsuband who also is a great father. You have an incredible family network. Any child born into your family would be blessed. Can you adopt me as a sister? 🙂

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