As I write this, my belly is wobbling from side to side. I try to sit tall so I can breathe but I have been struggling to take in enough oxygen for the past couple of months. The good news is that there are only another six weeks to go before this baby leaves my body. The bad news is that six weeks feels like eternity when your body struggles to do the most natural of its functions.
Right now, I feel like a walking belly. I feel like Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense. Nobody seems to see me. I am constantly skipped in queues, few people look me in the face and when they do, it is to remind me how huge I am (lest I forget). I was never one to sport a tiny bump when pregnant, but this baby has stretched my muscles beyond what I thought was possible. Every time I visit the doctor, I make him check the level of my amniotic fluid and the size of the baby. Both are normal. He keeps reminding me that my muscles are overstretched and that that’s all there is to it. So, basically, I’ll be looking pregnant for the rest of my life.
Most days I forget that I am carrying my third child. There is a person inside me, who will be part of my family in a few weeks. As strange as it may sound, this is the first time I cannot quite connect to this baby. There is too much going on around me. I desperately want to slow down and try to imagine this baby’s face, talk to it and put music to my belly so it can hear it. I know I should be preparing its clothes by now and the hospital bag should be packed by the end of this week. All that hasn’t happened yet. I feel like I’ll be big and heavy forever and the excitement hasn’t yet kicked in. I am more concerned about missing Robin’s first Christmas concert and Maia’s dance exams in December. My biggest worry is that I’ll disrupt the girls’ Christmas by being in hospital. I cannot bring myself to buy any baby gear yet. It feels too early. Or maybe I’m just in denial.
Whatever it is, I hope the penny drops soon. At this rate, I’ll be scrambling around our flat trying to pack the hospital bag while breathing through contractions.