A year ago, I was right in the middle of the worst period of morning sickness I have experienced to date (and which I do NOT intend to experience again). The relentless nausea dried up the flow of words that constantly swims in my head faster than a puddle in August.
That stream of sentences which keeps me awake some nights has made a comeback, but I am still finding it hard to put pen to paper…or fingers to keyboard. Today, however, I wanted to take a sort of snapshot of my life right now. In a few days, I’ll be celebrating my 39th year and few things are more motivating than staring 40 in the face.
So, here goes:
Life with this bearded sailor is pretty great. We don’t spend nearly as much time together as we would like, but when we do, we make a great team. He still makes me laugh every single day and I still miss him when he is at work (which is most of the day and night). Best of all, he pushes me, ever so gently, out of my comfort zone whenever I start getting too comfortable. He’s basically a rockstar.
This girl is growing so fast I’m finding it hard to keep up. She is officially a tween and pushes all the wrong buttons while looking me straight in the eyes. I lose my temper with her every day, but I also love her more than I will ever be able to express in words. She makes me proud with her eagerness to better herself. Every new experience or challenge she encounters is also a first for us as parents. She is teaching us everything there is to know about raising a human and her sisters will reap the results, good and bad, of our experiences with her. She hates being the eldest (except when she can use this privilege to her advantage) but I am glad she was our first.
In less than a week, Robin will turn four. It feels like she has been three for a very long time and I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or not. What I do know is that she has really come into her own during this year. She took becoming a big sister in her stride. She never showed any signs of jealousy or regression and loves Ivy so much she could eat her (she does try to nibble her thighs sometimes but who can blame her?). I used to think she would be a tomboy but she has proven me wrong. She loves pink, is very girly and has the sweetest soul. I feel that she was meant to be a middle sister – tough enough to stand up for herself when teased by her older sister but also incredibly nurturing towards her baby sister.
See those thighs? I spend most of my days squeezing them. They’re the best stress ball I’ve ever had. And she is the best baby too. I guess the fact that she is the third child and also my last baby has something to do with that. My fourth trimester ended a couple of months ago but I still feel like she is part of me. I am finding it hard to start her on solids, even though she is almost six months old and I am still acutely aware of her every move all the time. I know that I will have to wean myself off her eventually but, for now, I am happy to enjoy her as much as I can.
Then there’s yours truly. When I was in my 20s, I was very impatient to grow up and be a ‘proper’ adult. I didn’t know what that would look like. All I knew was that I wanted to have a career I excelled at and, possibly, a child. I didn’t necessarily want to get married, although I was certainly not opposed to the idea. And I also had no clue as to what my job would be, even after spending five years running from one university lecture to the next. Almost two decades later, I have three children, a husband and a dream that will one day turn into that career I will excel at.
If I could sit down for a coffee with my younger self, I’d tell her to enjoy her youth before her body became too stiff and heavy to run, to go to all the concerts, art galleries and museums she came across and to just relax, because everything would turn out to be just fine.