And just like that, it’s almost mid-January and I’m still reeling from the whirlwind that December was. We were lucky enough to spend the holidays with friends and family, eating good food and sleeping far too late every morning, but December also signalled the start of some significant changes for me.
You might already know about the problems I have had with my hip for most of my life. If you don’t, I had written about it HERE. Shortly after writing that post, I fell pregnant with Ivy and stopped going to the osteopath or seeking any kind of relief from the pain. Unfortunately, the pain intensified enough over the past few months that I could no longer ignore it. So, two days before Christmas, I saw a new doctor specialising in sports medicine. He was not happy with what he saw on the X-rays and mentioned a word I was almost hoping I would hear: arthritis. You might think me crazy for wishing to hear bad news about my health and the doctor was a little surprised at my relief when he uttered that word, but I can explain.
When you have lived the majority of your life feeling a pain that nobody understands and most doctors dismiss as imagination, all you want to hear is that something actually is wrong. When I think about the countless things I have missed out on, the activities I couldn’t join, the daily pain I have felt for 26 years…I cry inside. There is so so much I want to do but am not able to because of it. Worst of all, I was made to believe that I had no choice but to continue living like this. That is why I am looking forward to undergoing more tests and, whatever the solution to the problem might be, I am ready to face it.
I dream of a day when I can walk without pain, maybe even run. I want to do yoga again. I want to be able to sleep, swim, get in and out of the car, just live without having to brace myself against the pain. I hope that this will be the year that dream comes true.